Everything But The Kitchen Sink

Lets go on vacation. Seemed like a good idea. Let's escape the cold and head to Florida. Except that Indiana is having a freak heat wave. And my husband had the brilliant idea to DRIVE to Florida. Where are the Wright brothers when I need them? We are not Amish. We do not have to travel by horse and buggy. Maybe my husband has forgotten about my bad back, tiny bladder and inability to sit still in the 17 years I've known him. Are our trips to Ireland, Europe and Asia ringing a bell? Midway through all these adventures, he was asking the stewardess for a parachute. And this was before we had children. Nope, he decides that a 2.5 day drive through all 67 states is a better idea than a 2.5 hour plane ride. Then he leaves town for work and leaves the packing to me. The amount of packing done for 1 female and 2 children is the same amount if you are gone for 3 days or 3 months. The list includes but is not limited to: shirts, pants, socks, pajamas, underwear, swimsuits, shoes, books, DS & games, Leapsters & games, DVDs, snacks, bottled water, hand sanitizer in bulk, sunglasses, activity books, camera, sunglasses, sunscreen, stuffed animals, blankets, night lights, white noise machines, and bed rails. Why leave home? We are bringing everything with us. This is why I am not worried about being robbed while we are gone. Nothing is there. We brought it all with us.My husband's packing took 12 minutes. He packed some t shirts, socks, shorts, sandals, a small bottle of shampoo and deodorant. His stuff fits in a plastic bag from Walgreen's. Our stuff practically needs a pack mule and a U-Haul.

Packing complete, we hit the open road. We drive for 37 hours before we even left the state of Indiana. I was jet lagged before we hit another state. Kids were content to have snacks thrown in their laps and watch movies. I stared at the cornfields and wondered if my husband would noticed if I slowly opened my car door and rolled out. After driving for about 7 hours, Christian announced he needs to poop. We assure him we will pull over and find a restroom. He assures US that he can wait until we get home. What we have here is a failure to communicate, folks. We won't be seeing our home for another 9 days, buddy. He looked out the window and asked where we were. We told him we were in Tennessee. Now he is confused and mad. He told him we were going on vacation to Florida? What is with this misinformation? Did someone not read the map? We are only on day 2 of our safari across America. So far we have explored a cave, an underground waterfall, watched Sara do a zip line, seen a KFC building shaped like a giant chicken (complete with moving eyes and beak) and taken our son (with sticky hand phobia) to a BBQ place called Sticky Fingers. What else can we expect over the next few days? Watch out, America. We are invading the South. And we will take prisoners. I need the company for the long drive home. We have snacks and DVDs for your entertainment. But you better travel lightly because our car is full.

A Club Of One

Groucho Marx had it right when he said "I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members." Sara came home from school today in tears because a classmate thought it would be OK to start a "We Hate Sara" club. Wow, what a proud moment for her parents. This girl has taken being mean to a new level. On a sicker note, 3 girls were "kicked out" of the club for being friends with Sara. Sara was confused and upset. She has never been mean to this girl. She couldn't understand why this girl did something so mean to her. It's OK not to like everyone. But this goes beyond normal social dynamics on the playground. This is spiteful and hurtful just to make a little girl feel left out and excluded. Guess what? Mission accomplished. My kid feels hurt and excluded. As I put her to bed tonight, she said she was glad she had some friends who stuck up for her. Leave it to Sara to find the silver lining in an awful situation. I hope this girl outgrows the need to put others down to feel good about herself. I hope she never does this to another girl. I hope she learns what being a friend really means. I am glad my daughter knows the meaning of friendship. I am glad my daughter appreciates her true friends.

Vogue Backlash

I tried very hard not to judge the way other people parent. I'm too tired and overwhelmed with my own kids to worry about other people's kids. But sometimes, a parent comes along and puts herself and her questionable parenting in the spotlight. Unless you have been living in a cave, you have heard about the Vogue writer who wrote an essay about putting her 7 year old on a diet. I don't know the girl's medical history. Maybe she was obese. Maybe her pediatrician was concerned about her health and weight. But, what bothers me most was they way she wrote about how she handled her daughter's weight problem. She was downright nasty - smacking food out of her hand, yelling at her, humiliating her in public. And she expressed more concerned about her daughter's appearance than focusing on the health aspect of the issue. I'm sure that little girl will be thrilled to google herself in a few years to read about this. I hope being a writer for Vogue pays well because I see a lot of therapy in that little girl's future. Weight issues and a controlling mom with boundary issues? I hope her mother realizes there are better, more considerate ways to handle a child's problem. And I hope she sticks to writing about springs trends and not her daughter's penchant for Snickers.

As parents, we want to raise happy and healthy kids. We are bombarded through the media, friends and family with all sorts of conflicting advice about what is best and healthiest for our kids. There's no one right answer. Every kid is built differently. For example, my daughter eats like a horse and is very slim. People are always telling us and her that she is "too skinny". They have no medical basis for this decision. They just see a thin girl. They don't know that she can inhale a Grand Slam breakfast without coming up for air. Our son is on the higher end of the chart for height and weight. He also eats us out of house and home. But, as long as they eat healthy, continue to grow and our pediatrician is not concerned, then we don't lose any sleep about their eating habits. We have not made food or eating an issue in our house. I don't discuss my never-ending struggle with my weight in front of our kids. If we discuss exercise, we emphasize being healthy, not losing weight or being skinny. I've seen what food battles can lead to. We don't give our kids free reign with snacks or treats. I'm not a short order cook. We give some choices but remain firm about eating what is served.

I'm sure I mess up a hundred times a day with my kids. I do and say the wrong thing. I worry if I am being too strict or not strict enough. I worry that they are fighting too much. I worry that my son will never be fully potty trained. I worry that Sara will always struggle with shoe tying.

But I know I will never have to worry that I wrote a publicly humiliating article about my young daughter's weight struggle. I will never have to worry that scores of people will read what I write and be horrified at my parenting. I hope.

"Super"mom

Forget being supermom. That was never my goal. I just want to be a good mother. A mother who keeps her cool and doesn't lose her temper. I want to be a mom that doesn't get overwhelmed and flustered. I want to be a mom whose child isn't struggling socially at school. I want to be a mom whose 3.5 year old will actually pee in the potty. I want to be a mom who can get her kids out the door in a calm and orderly fashion. I want to be a mom whose kids can play together for longer than 15 minutes without fighting. I want to be a mom who can get the kids to their after school activities, dinner on the table and baths completed and bedtime accomplished without drama. I want to be able to take care of the kids and house without feeling overwhelmed. I want to not feel like a failure as I see people with more kids and more challenges handle their lives with more grace.

I don't know if this week is busier than usual or my defenses are weakened but everything seems to be a struggle for me. The kids are cooperating (mostly). I just keep looking at each day and wondering if and how everything will get done. In addition to regular school work and activities, my car needs new tires and softball practice started. Add that to swim lessons for a boy who thinks we are water boarding him, a Girl Scout meeting, a prospective new school meeting, a neighborhood board meeting, a MOPS meeting (note to self- kiss up to hubs so he will make breakfast strata for 40 women and let me take credit) and prepare for spring break trip. Oh, and a daughter who is coming down with a cold and a husband who is out of town for work. I am not a woman who can juggle it all with a smile. I can't even juggle.

Borrowing Trouble?

Sara is having trouble at school. I wasn't naive enough to think she was entirely blameless. I live with the kid. I know her strengths and weaknesses. I know her faults and attributes. I was naive enough to 'hope' it was mostly social and due to her age. Being in the youngest kid in class is tough. She seems to enjoy school, loves her teacher and has a few friends. Some days are better than others. Some days are filled with grade school drama over who sat next to who and who got excluded at recess. But, now she is having trouble in the classroom and we can't blame it on age because these behaviors wouldn't fly in 2nd grade either. She doesn't focus. She gets distracted. She blurts out amd doesnt raise her hand. She blurts out random and unrelated comments. She doesn't give the other kids her full attention. Kids are not subtle. Kids are not patient. They don't hide their annoyance and impatience with her. Do we pull her from the local public school and find a school with a different approach? Her teachers have spoken to her about the rules of the classroom. She knows what the expectations are. An 8 year old in 3rd grade should reasonably be expected to participate in class and follow the rules. Is it a failing on our part? Have we completely failed to instill any sense of expected behavior or respect for authority? For the most part, she follows the rules at home. When she is distracted, we have to repeat ourselves. But, that is normal, right? Why does our kid think it is ok to consistently ignore the rules that everyone has to follow? Is it defiance? Is it lack of effective parenting? Can it be fixed? How do we fix it? Are we completely to blame? If we switch schools, it isn't because we are nave enough to think it is a magic pill. We know she will have to work on her behaviors and attitude. Will a different environment be better for her? Will a clean slate give her the opportunity to show what she is truly capable of?

Last year when she was bullied, we debated pulling her out of the school. What stood out to me was that she kept saying "I wasn't even doing anything to those girls. I was just playing and they came up and did this. Why would they do that?" We had no answer. How do you explain to a little girl that there was no reason. There never is a reason for bullying. Then came her questions about punishment and apologizing. "Why haven't they apologized? Why weren't they punished? Why haven't their moms and dads made them say sorry?". Ironically, one of the moms still emphatically denies her daughter's involvement despite multiple witnesses and a confession. Sara know when she is caught misbehaving, lying, hurting her brother in any way, breaks a rule or is disrespectful at home that there will be consequences- punishment and an apology. She couldn't understand why these girls got away with something so mean. Despite the incident, she seemed to enjoy school and her friends so we kept her there. Bullies are everywhere. Do some of her problems stem from her being in the wrong environment? I'm worried that moving her will send the wrong message to her. You don't run away from a problem. You face it and solve it. Maybe switching schools will make life easier for her. Maybe she will fit in better in a different environment. I know parents don't have all the answers but it sure would be nice to have some answers about the really big decisions.

Sara's Stewardship

Sara attends CCD weekly. It is always entertaining to meet her teachers and hear their comments about her. She has been limited to the number of questions (relevant and non-relevant) she can ask during class. They love reading her work. However, she was the only one who knew the story of Bartimaeus. The deacon was so impressed with her telling that he asked her to get up in front of all the CCD classes to tell the story and lead everyone in closing prayer. She very well may be the first female Pope. She likes the hat, cool ceiling artwork and pope mobile. This week they learned about stewardship. They brought in baked goods for a local mission then filled out a questionnaire. Here are some of Sara's answers (for better or worse):

Who we helped? The Hope Mission
How did we help? We brought yummy desserts
This is what I thought about the project - I really wanted to taste those pies!!!!
This is what I learned- You should give things you don't need to people who do - but not my lambi because I need her more.
This is why I thought it helped - The homeless people like desserts, too.

Not sure if she is a pagan or just brutally honest and funny. God bless her.

Van Gogh

Sara got her ears pierced over Christmas break. She debated doing it for a year or so. Suddenly she was brave enough, ready and willing. So, we were at the mall when she said she was ready. So, I plopped her in the chair and 10 seconds later my daughter had 2 new holes. Note to self - check to make sure husband is on board with piercing 7 year old's ears before the deed is done. We (I) dutifully cleaned her ears twice daily for 6 weeks. After that, we cleaned them somewhat regularly. On Friday she came home complaining of ear pain. I checked and sure enough, one of her holes was infected and bleeding. Off the doctor we go. When the doctor was examining her, she informed him that I REFUSED to clean her ears regularly. Seriously?! It was not a plot to turn her into the next Van Gogh. Maybe it was lazy parenting but it was not malicious. Then she asked him, in all seriousness, if she could keep it. The doctor and I looked at each other, confused. Did she really think we were going to chop off her ear? Turns out, she was talking about the piercing. Yes, if we clean it and use antibiotics, she would be able to put the earring back in on Sunday. Then she panicked because she was afraid it would hurt to put an earring back in. So she had a dilemma. She could brave the possibility of a little pain on Sunday with an earring reinsertion or contemplate the mere thought of re-piercing her ear. Sara is not the most decisive person under the best circumstances. Facing possible pain or discomfort and she turns everything into Sophie's Choice. Luckily, her doctor is a smart man. He suggested she not worry about it and see how it feels on Sunday. If I had the audacity to suggest such a ludicrous idea, I would have been the recipient of the full eye roll and disgusted "moooooommmmm!". Luckily we had the distraction of a Girl Scout sleepover to distract her (a completely different kind of pain and torture - for me). Sunday comes and she timidly asks me if we can TRY to put her earring in. Using Lamaze breathing I didn't know she knew, we put the earring back in. She survived. Her ear is still attach. It's a miracle.