Sara's Words of Wisdom

This is what Sara wrote for a homework assignment. Interesting take on what has been happening to her lately. My kid is no saint but she sure has a good heart. These are her words on friendship: I think it is important to show our friends we care and appreciate them because we love them and we don't want them to feel sad or lonely. If you don't pay attention to your friends or if you are unkind to them, they might feel unwanted and they won't want to be friends with you. Then you will feel lonely and unwanted. If you are a bully, you won't have any friends because no one likes a bully. If you don't have any friends, nothing will be any fun. If you show you care and appreciate your friends, more and more people will want to be your friend. To show you care and appreciate your friends, be kind to them and don't tease them or hurt them. Don't puppy dog them either. *** That scares them and will make you seem crazy. Being kind to others will also make you popular among the other kids. Don't be a bully. Be kind to others. In other words, be a friend. *** When Sara gets excited when friends come over, she jumps up and down, hugging them (much like a little puppy). We've told her to be considerate and give people their space.

Dear God

Dear God, I know you have a Plan, even if we cannot see it or understand it. People are struggling, even in the light of your love. A child gone too soon. A child struggling. A child in pain. Parents grieving, worried, scared. Our hearts are heavy. Our burdens are great. But, so is our faith and love in You. Please, show us your Plan. Ease our pain, our struggles, our grief. We believe in You even when we don't believe in ourselves. we are strong because we believe in You. Our strength is being tested. Please help us through these difficult times. Please be strong for us.

Understanding My Daughter

I am dreading the teen years with my daughter. For many reasons. She is already madly in love with a boy in her class. In addition to typical teen girl angst, drama, crushes and mood swings, we will be dealing with her ADHD. Diagnosed in 2nd grade, it has been a roller coaster. Medication has not helped tremendously. Listening, focusing, paying attention, sitting still are extremely difficult for her. She will sit for 2-3 hours reading a book. But, getting her up, dressed, fed and out the door to catch the school bus is an exercise in frustration. Patience and reminders are needed in huge quantities. We hand her clothes to put on and she dances around. We put her breakfast on the table and she stares out the window. Tell her to brush her teeth and she stands there looking at the kitchen sink. Tell her to put her coat and shoes on and we find her wandering around the house like she is on a scavenger hunt. She is always moving, fidgeting, twirling, dancing or skipping. Cute, at times. Irritating at others. If we tell her to go upstairs to get something, we will find her playing Legos or reading a book. She is the world's youngest absent-minded professor. Most days, getting homework done is not a huge problem. Other days, I feel like strapping her to a dolly with a face mask and straight jacket a la Hannibal Lecter. Sunday was one of those days. Her homework took 3 times longer than it should have. I am the complete opposite of my daughter. Friends and family accuse me of "flitting". I call it "quirky OCD". Incomplete or unfinished tasks eat away at me until they are completed. I thrive on the sense of accomplishment that comes with finishing a task. I breathe a little easier when there is no clutter, no bills to be paid, dishes to put away. I cannot sit down and relax until I get everything done. I cannot start a task then walk away. I hate the idea of something hanging over my head, waiting to be completed. Dishes in the sink must be dealt with immediately. I've learned to never try to rearrange a few things in a closet late at night. The entire contents come out, get reorganized and put back. Laundry must ALL be folded and put away. I cannot clean just one kitchen counter. They all must get scrubbed. I can't stand clutter of any kind. It physically bothers me. My husband has to hide his mail piles from me or they get purged. Sara does not even notice clutter. Her desk, night stand and dresser all resemble the leaning tower of Pisa, but made out of books, toys, puzzles and paper. Her coat and shoes land by the front door in a haphazard pile rather than the closet. Sara starts a project but walks away as soon as something else catches her eye or fancy. She is a smart, funny and imaginative girl. She is bright and perceptive beyond her years. Yet, her ADHD makes her seem younger and more immature at times. Despite all the media surrounding ADD and ADHD, people in general are not very understanding. They think she is spoiled and indulged. They think we are not firm enough. If she had a physical disability, they would be more patient and understanding. I find myself impatient and frustrated with her sometimes. But, I have to take a deep breath and overlook the clutter. She is a whirling dervish. She is kind, funny, ironic, sensitive, fiercely loyal and caring. I need to remember that she is the sum of her parts. And love all parts of her.

Loveable Labels

I always say that I try not to give unsolicited advice but I love to recommend products that we have found and enjoyed. We found these fabulous labels when Sara was in preschool. They have sticker labels for anything and everything - clothes, shoes, bags, etc. They are great. What I really loved was the Velcro ID wristband. When she was 4, we went to Disney. We put her band on her every day and taught her to show it to a worker if she ever got lost. Luckily, we never had to use it. We had many families approach us to inquire about the bright pink band - families with special needs kids, autistic kids, etc. It is scary enough to imagine our kids getting lost. But, imagining a lost child who cannot give his or her name, phone number or address is even more frightening. My son now wears his 'special agent" band when we go out. He loves it. If you need labels for camp, school, household, etc. Please check here: http://lovablelabels.lovablelabels.ca/index.aspx I get no compensation for this blog. I just really like their products. I love when my friends clue me in on anything that makes my life just a little easier.

There's No Crying In Baseball

Sara is in her 2nd year of softball. Last year was "instructional". They learned the basics of catching, hitting, throwing and running the bases in the proper order. The girls were more concerned about their 'costumes' and snacks than the finer points of the Great American Pastime. They played "games". Each girl got to hit and run all the bases. No score keeping and no tears. A brilliant strategy for a team made up of 6 and 7 year old girls who fussed at the prospect of getting their shiny new pink gloves dirty and shrieked in horror if the ball came anywhere near them. This year they play for real. Scores are kept. Outs and strikes are counted. One team wins and one team loses. I am all for this. I am not a new age parent who thinks that losing a softball game will ruin my girl's fragile psyche. She needs to learn about sportsmanship, team spirit, winning and losing gracefully. Softball may not be the best choice for our high octane child. I'm no jock and know little about baseball. Turns out there is a lot of downtime in baseball. Especially if you play right field. Not many 8 year olds can hit one out of the park. So, at practice, my kid is usually making a dandelion crown and twirling to her own beat, oblivious to the happenings on the in-field. (In-field is a real term. I googled it) When her team is "at bat", she is playing in the dug-out with her new friends. For a kid who has trouble maintaining focus under the best of circumstances, baseball may not be the best sport for her. However, at her first game, she surprised us all. She had laser beam focus. She listened, followed the ball and did whatever else it is that the big league players do during a game. Her team lost the game and Sara did not lose her cool. We were proud of her. She didn't get mad or upset. She didn't cry or over-react. She was an involved member of the team who enjoyed the game, regardless of the score. In my playbook, that is a homerun. Or a touchdown. Or a goal. Doesn't matter. She had fun and looked darn cute in her 'costume'.

Growing Up Catholic

I grew up in a typical Irish Catholic family - tons of kids very close in age. About a quarter of a mile from our house was our whole world - church, grade school, boys high school, girls high school. For those of you unfamiliar with the Catholic faith, let me educate you. You are born into a large family. You are baptized. You attend a Catholic school with other kids from large families. The nuns spend their days terrifying you into obedience. Misbehaving won't just get you in trouble with your parents. It will get you in trouble with God. Scary, yet effective, stuff for a 7 year old. The neighborhood behind the church and school compound is called the "ghetto". It is not, I realized at age 18, truly a ghetto. Non-Catholics do not brag about living in the ghetto. Out in the real world, the "ghetto" has a very different definition. Your home has lots of plaid in it- drapes, furniture, carpeting. All to match the uniform you will wear until you are 18. You will attend Mass weekly where a celibate man wearing a fancy gown will lecture you about marriage and parenting. You will nod, smile, genuflect, sing and read the church bulletin. Some of us even attend Catholic colleges. Out in the real world there are other belief systems and religions. In college, I went through a typical rebellious phase. I lived in an all-female dorm with a curfew. But, I went a little crazy. I dated Protestants. It wasn't my fault- they looked and talked like Catholics and attended the same Jesuit college. How had they sneaked in? Eventually, I got my rebellious phase out of my system. It wasn't hard - there were only a handful of them at the college and only a few were interested in dating a girl with a Jesuit great-uncle who used to be a dean at the school, 5 older brothers (one who attended the same school), a best friend who was a priest and a firm belief that girls get pregnant through close contact. Let's just say my dance card wasn't always full during college. After college, I met a wonderful man. He was even Catholic, although he did attend 'public' school. Being raised a good Catholic, I was willing to overlook this failing in his upbringing. When we were engaged, we were invited to attend a Jewish wedding. Let's just say I was out of my element. First, it was outside. Ok, it WAS California. They do wacky and crazy things out on the left coast. As we sat outside on a beautiful Saturday afternoon waiting for the ceremony to start, I was getting ansy. Why hadn't it started? Where was the groom? People around us were chuckling. My fiancé explained to me that they were waiting for sundown. Why? Because it is the sabbath. Excuse me, it is Saturday, therefore NOT the sabbath. Now people were openly laughing at me. In the Jewish faith, Saturday IS the sabbath. Face red, trying to redeem myself, I ask about the MIA groom. More laughter from behind us. Again, he explained that the groom walks down the aisle with his parents. Now, I am completely confused but I've learned to be quiet. Sort of. After the ceremony, someone mentioned that the bride and groom actually see each other before the ceremony. Now I think they are just testing me to see what I will believe. Turns out that a part of the beautiful ceremony is the signing of some sacred documents before the wedding ceremony. See what happens when you take the Irish Catholic girl away from the ghetto? Ten years into our marriage, he accepted a position at University of Notre Dame, the mecca of Catholicism outside of the Vatican. Now, it's my turn to laugh when he tries to start a business meeting without an opening prayer. Now, he has an app on his phone that helps him find a prayer for any and all situations. Now, he brags about his wife with 16 years of Catholic education under her plaid skirt.

Our Nellie Olson

I'm not going to be articulate, insightful or inspiring right now. I am one mad mama. The hits just keep on coming. Sara had a bad day at school (brought on by her own actions/inactions). But, THIS she did not need. There are some home school kids who live down the street that Sara plays with from time to time. Nice girls that Sara enjoys playing with. I noticed they had not been over lately but didn't think much of it. Well, mystery solved. Sara saw them playing outside when she got off the bus today and asked if they could come over to play. After we chatted about her day at school and she wrote an apology note to her teacher, I called the mom. The mom could not have been nicer. She said she had been meaning to call me about a situation. I groaned. Situation? We all know what that is code for. But, wait. My kid hasn't even played with her kids lately. She couldn't have done anything terrible. A classmate of Sara's who lives in our neighborhood and actively dislikes Sara also plays with these girls. Turns out the classmate was telling these girls NOT to play with Sara because SHE doesn't like Sara. They were warned that if they play with Sara, then they cannot be friends with her!! Really, kid? It isn't enough that you have ostracized most of the 3rd grade and the kids on the bus from my kid? Now you are trying to start a street war? Luckily, this mom has 7 kids and knows how to spot and stop this nonsense. And, her girls know how to choose their own friends and told this girl that. I really hope this is resolved. I'd like my child to be able to play with neighbor kids without fuss and drama.

These are not spouses. These are friends. You can have more than one. This is not the jungle. We don't need an alpha kid on the block.