Wrongfully indignant and 3 years old

My son is a big hypocrite. He has one set of rules for himself and a whole other set of stricter rules for those around him. Today, he marched out of school full of 'righteous' indignation because "Cole hit me back". I know what you are thinking. The nerve of that kid. How dare he defend himself? I can just picture Christian's thought process on this. How dare he hit me? Doesn't he see how cute I am? Doesn't he know I'm only 3 and I can use that excuse for most of my wrongdoings? Doesn't he know that rules don't apply to me unless I decide they do? Only I am allowed to hit whenever and whomever I want. At home, he is trying to implement his set of separate and unfair rules. He is trying to convince us, his moronic, slow on the uptake, sleep deprived parents, that all food is his, regardless of who is eating it. All toys in the house are his exclusively. His sister should be willing to play with him whenever he wants. Also, she should be willing to play whatever games he chooses and play them according to his rules. Anyone who commits an offense against him or breaks any rules should be punished immediately and severely. Except him. He is above any and all reproach. Demanding an apology from him is cruel and unusual punishment. Not to mention completely out of the realm of possibility. He is like a medieval lord reigning terror over his fiefdom.

He has a couple things going against him that prevent him from being a criminal mastermind. First, he doesn't know how to commit any crime undetected. He gets caught 99.9% of the time. He is neither stealth nor sly. Second, he doesn't know how to lie convincingly. When caught, he gives us the deer in headlights look then confesses repeatedly. He thinks he will escape punishment by tossing out a quick and insincere "I'm sorry". Then he looks genuinely shocked, appalled and offended when he is punished. I know, his has wacky and unqualified parents. Poor kid.