Monday, May 17, 2010

I really need to learn how to turn off my brain

Ok, here is a shock. I am sitting here over-thinking things. The end of the school year is approaching. Sara has had trouble with one girl since we moved here. The little demon seed is sneaky and only says things when there are no adults around to hear. Sara has tried being friendly. She has tried ignoring her. Nothing works. Do I contact the school and ask that they be in separate classes next year? Do I let Sara learn how to put up with this type of behavior now so she is better equipped when she is older and kids are meaner? Most importantly, WHY is this kid so mean to my kid? What is it about my kid that makes this little terror in pigtails want to pick on her? Yes, Sara is the youngest kid in the class. But, she is also the friendliest and most outgoing person on the planet. She is like a little puppy that doesn't pee on you when she gets excited. Well, she peed on Della once but she deserved it and Sara was 2 weeks old. That is my story and I am sticking to it.

There are other "fun" things on my brain. We've been here for 7 months. I still don't have any real friends. Am I ever going to fit in here? Is it ever going to feel like home? Will my friends back home move on and forget about me? Yes, I continue to stalk them on regular basis and demand food and shelter but they may grow tired of it. (I cannot imagine why.......).

And what about friends that are no longer in my life? There are so many relationships that have ended or dissolved for many reasons. Some have left my life because of geography or schedules. People get busy, grow apart, have kids, jobs, family obligations. When I look back, what bothers me most are the relationships that ended for no clear reason. I'm not talking about boyfriends. Those relationships always end for a reason. I'm talking about true, deep, meaningful friendships. One minute you talk almost every day and share all the details of your life. The next, it's over and you are left wondering why. What bothers me most is wondering if I should have done more to save those friendships. Given my deep-seeded fear of confrontation, this leaves me playing the what-if game in my head. And, as my friend Cathy tells me (often), my head is NOT a pretty place to be.

So, welcome to my head. Enjoy your short visit.

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