Older and Wiser

I hosted my first dinner party 15 years ago at the age of 25. By most standards, it was a complete and utter disaster. It was a potluck at my dad's house. I only had to provide the entree. How could I mess it up? Well, I didn't know how to grill the chicken I planned to serve. I melted the dessert someone brought. I bought the ingredients for margaritas but didn't bother to look up the recipe. Someone wanted coffee with dessert. Since I don't drink coffee, I had no clue how to make it. So, she graciously offered to show me how to make it. Then, my dad came home early. I decided I could rescue the party by taking everyone out for a drink. Turns out, it was not a disaster. The food was less than stellar but the party was fun. My party didn't need rescuing. Everyone laughed at my many blunders and had fun. No one got food poisoning. In my book, that makes it a success.

Over the last 15 years, we have hosted many dinner parties for friends and family. Some have gone smoothly. Some have been plagued with burned entrees, broken dishes, missing ingredients, childrens' temper tantrums to name a few things. The one thing every "successful" party has is fun. If the hosts are having fun, then the guests will, too. I've been to lovely parties with fabulous food and decorations but the hosts were too stressed or worried about every thing being "just right" to enjoy themselves. Guests are like dogs. They can smell stress. It's contagious. If the hosts aren't enjoying themselves, chances are no one else will. I've been too busy chatting and mingling to make sure everyone's drink is topped off. Guess what? They managed to fend for themselves and the party went on.

I still get uptight before the guests arrive. I'm hiding clutter and toys, cleaning the house and making sure I have all the food cooking on schedule. But, once the guests arrive, I focus on them and having fun. No one has starved or died of thirst at my parties. But, people usually have fun.

Tonight, we hosted our first Indiana dinner club. We carried the traditions from our dinner club back home. The rules are simple. Hosts provide the entree and select the theme. Everyone brings a dish to go along with the theme. I knew some of the guests. Some were new to me. I was a little apprehensive. It's been a long time since I've hosted a party for strangers. By the end of the evening, they weren't strangers. People mixed, mingled and nibbled on the food.

I've come a long way since that first dinner club. The food has gotten better. I've learned to relax and have fun. Guests don't care about perfect. I've learned to prepare and organize better. I've learned that having fun is the most important part of a party. The food is second. I haven't gotten better at cleaning up but I'm working on it. Sort of.

Giving Unsolicited Advice to Amish Women

Last weekend I was shopping in Shipshewana and met a spunky Amish lady. She was very friendly and chatty. We bonded over pie. I expressed my thought that anything with rhubarb is just sick, wrong and a crime against baked goods. Apparently, the whole Amish population and the rest of America agrees with her. Then we commiserated over the construction in downtown Shipshewana. She lamented the fact that it caused her to go 5 miles out of her way to get home. I suggested she barrel right through the construction. She considered it briefly. I guess it would be hard to outrun the long arm of the law in a horse and buggy. But, on the plus side, they can't publish a photo of her on America's Most Wanted since the Amish forbid "graven images" of themselves. Maybe this wasn't the advice she was hoping for. But, I'm trying to make friends. That counts for something, doesn't it?

Peaceful Playdate

Sara is enjoying a play date with a friend. It's been loud, messy, chaotic and I don't care. Why? Because they are having a great time. They are playing together nicely. Since Sara is so much younger than the rest of her 2nd grade classmates, sometimes she overcompensates by being a little bossy or controlling. I've always heard that 3 is a deadly number for girls. So, I typically invite 1 girl over at a time. I try to be the super cool mom. They can have junk food, make a mess, and be loud. As long as they play nicely with each other and don't pick on Christian, I pretty much let them run free. It's reassuring to watch Sara interact with her friends. Sometimes I feel like I am talking to a brick wall. I'm always reminding her to be considerate of people's feelings and remember to play fairly. She listens with one ear, if I'm lucky. But, when a friend comes over, she shares, takes turns, and is very solicitous of her friends. She wants them to have a good time. She is the hostess with the mostest. Now, if I can get her to play with her little brother that way, I'll be the happiest and greatest mom on the planet. I know. Wishful thinking.

What's your story?

Everyone has a story. It might be an adventure tale, an inspirational tale, an entertaining story, a sad story or a story with a happy ending. No one has a real life fairy tale. No two stories are the same. The characters are different. The plots vary. Everyone wants to tell their story. Not everyone wants to hear it because they are too wrapped up in their own lives. But you should take a minute to listen to their stories. You will learn, be inspired, and challenged by the stories of others. I have learned things in the most unexpected ways from the most unexpected people. I've traveled in Asia, Europe, the Caribbean. I've had the opportunity to meet people from all walks of life. Interestingly, the people I click best with are sometimes the people I have the least in common with (on paper anyway). The most important thing I have learned? My life isn't as difficult and tragic as I like to think. My husband is gainfully employed at a job that he loves. We are happily married. We have 2 healthy children. We have good friends and family. We have a place to live.

After a lot of thought and observing other people, I've decided that the moral of my story is this: surround yourself with people you care about and who care about you. Take chances, be open to new ideas and experiences. Never judge someone at first glance. Be willing to forgive and give second chances. It will open doors for you. You will be glad you did. It will make your story a better one. It will make you a better person.

Hitting the Open Road

This weekend I will be zipping across the cornfields and zooming down the turnpike to Cleveland to celebrate my nephew's First Communion. I will be flying solo. That's right - childless, footloose and fancy-free. No carseats, no back seat quarrels, no demands for snacks. I'm as giddy as a schoolgirl. I've already loaded the CD player with audio books - no Dr. Seuss or Playhouse Disney. I can listen to my radio stations, my audio books and stop for snacks and potty when I want (if at all). I will have a hotel room and bathroom all to myself. I can stay up late reading and watching TV. I even get to visit a college friend. It'll be a Thelma & Louise weekend without the shootout and tragic ending.

Once you have kids, your life is not your own. Your time, your space, and your schedule are ruled by short, cherubic people who can melt you with their sad little puppy dog eyes. The comic, Kathleen Madigan, describes them as short, homeless, and penniless little beggars. She's right. They need you to meet all their needs - food, shelter, clothing and their basic survival. It is a sacrifice parents make willingly but it's nice to escape once in a while. So, I will spend the weekend with family and friends. But, come Sunday, I will be eager to be back home with my little cherubs, even if they are begging for food.

So, here is my 2nd attempt to make life like appear interesting. Sara and I just spent a great weekend back home in Michigan visiting friends and family. One of the few perks of moving is you get to go back home and feel like a celebrity. Everyone want to see you, feed you and entertain you!!! As most of you know, we have a tendency/habit to mooch food wherever we go. This is a skill my kids have perfected. Back home, we once had the pleasure of meeting a neighbor when we were playing outside and Sara (age 2.5) smelled something on the grill, ran to their house, introduced herself and said she was hungry and the food smelled good. A pattern was established and it paved the way to many wonderful friendships. As a result, Sara will eat anything put in front of her (or the person sitting next to her). As she once told our contractor, "you are eating blueberries. I like blueberries and it is nice to share". Lessons to live by. BTW- he gave her ALL the blueberries.

On this visit, Sara was fed by my father (4x), my sister-in-law Angie, the Elmblads, the Tischs, the Jevtics, and I am sure she scored some snacks along the way. We were in town for 3 days. Don't even get me started on all the loot and assorted gifts she received.

Sitting on Amy's patio (our 2nd home) and watching Sara run around our former yard with her friends was heartwarming and heartbreaking at the same time. No longer with this be an almost daily occurrence for her. It will happen 2-3 times depending on how often we can get home. (Yes, I still call it home). What I loved most about those summer evening was the casual and impromptu feeling. We would look out the kitchen window, see Amy starting the fire, wander over and have a wonderful evening of laughter and friendship.

I have met some people here but it isn't the same. We are still in the "courtship" phase of friendship. We have to be polite and on our best manners while we get to know each other and each other's personalities. We don't have the easy-going, familiar give and take. I like being able to walk into someone's house, grab a Diet Coke and plunk down on the sofa. I like that my friends at home could show up at my house and I didn't panic that they will be horrified that my dishes are in the sink and toys have taken over every inch of my house.

So, people of Granger, beware. You are welcome in my house but beware what you find. And if you are kind enough to invite me over, you better have some Diet Coke in the fridge!
People of Novi, also beware. We are never gone for long. Stock those fridges with Diet Coke and chocolate.