Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Mommy Fail!

My kids can't get normal injuries. When they do get injured, my first impulse is to get anyone else to handle it for me. I've had neighbors remove splinters and teeth. I'm not sure who freaks out more- them or me. When Christian first was learning to walk, he fell down. A lot. And he would bite his lip and bleed like a stuck pig. The first time it happened, there was blood everywhere. It was like the prom scene from "Carrie". Being the only grown up in the house, I screamed, "Ackkkkkk, blood!!!!!!". I sent Sara across the yard to summon the neighbor who is a nurse and a calm, rational person. She slipped on some rubber gloves, checked the gaping wound, suppressed her laughter (and judgement) and prescribed a popsicle to staunch the blood.

After preschool, Christian and I were playing outside. Instead of playing with one of his many, many toys, he selected an orange pole that we use to mark our driveway so Paul doesn't snowplow our yard. Suddenly, he is clutching his hand and crying. I check his hand and sure enough, he has dozens of tiny fiberglass splinters in his fingers. I put him in the car and we drive to the nearest doctor's office. Of course, it's lunch time and no one with any medical experience of any kind is available. Christian is crying on the floor and my heart is breaking. It's now way past his nap and he is fried. So am I. I make a judgement call. I take him home, feed him and put him down for his nap. Miraculously, he passes right out. So, after getting my first ever mammogram, I get to take my son to get dozens of splinters pulled from his tiny little paw.

You are probably wondering, as am I, why on earth I let him play with the god forsaken orange poles. Because it never occurred to me that he could get grievously wounded playing with them. You know the doctor is judging you a little when he examines your son's paw and says "wow, this is a new one." Thanks, Doc. I don't feel bad enough. Heap on the guilt. Gotta give the little man credit. He sat like a statue while the doctor pulled the splinters out. He flirted with the nurse and smiled. He waved at everyone on the way out, pronounced his boo-boo healed and conned the nurse out of 4 stickers and 2 lollipops. I don';t think he will be plowing our driveway any time soon.

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