Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Defective Elf On A Shelf

I think our elf, Frizzle, is useless and incompetent. I think he is slacking on the job. He is supposed to spy on my children then tattle on them to the fat dude in the unflattering red suit. Really, how hard is his job? He works, at most, one month a year. This Big Brother Is Watching concept is supposed to encourage my kids to behave better. Sara sleeps 11 hours a night and is at school for 7 more hours. Christian naps for 2-3 hours them sleeps another 10-11 hours at night. He attends preschool for 7.5 hours a week. So, really, the skinny felt guy with spindly legs only needs to be on duty for 6 hours a day at most. I'm not even including bath time and meal times. I think he spends his nights raiding our liquor cabinet then passing out. Because, if he were reporting my kids' behavior to Santa on a daily basis, I'd be seeing either a vast improvement in their behavior OR receiving a large delivery of coal products. Maybe he is writing a book about my kids entitled "I can't believe they get away with some of this #%*^€£". I better receive some royalties. Otherwise, get your skinny butt off my shelf, do your job and spy on my kids.

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