Wednesday, March 14, 2012

My Birthday

Its not my fault. I've been saying that for 41 years and I'm still getting blamed. I was born in the middle of the night during a blizzard in March. Having done this 5 times already, my mom knew what she was doing. She kicked my dad out of bed, called a neighbor to babysit and headed to the hospital. When they arrived, she told them, "I'm in labor. I'm having a baby". They checked her out and sent her home. Seriously? The lady gave birth every year and you second guess her? So, they drive home, get stuck attempting to climb the driveway and head upstairs to bed. Now, I decide I'm ready to make my appearance. My mom got up to use the restroom and realized that I was about to arrive. My dad called a neighbor who had not delivered a baby since medical school back in the 18th century. One of my brothers wakes up and announces he needs to use the bathroom. The dog starts barking. The only one who remained calm was my mom (and me). To get him out of the way, the doctor told my dad to find some thing to cut the cord with. What does my father find? Fishing line!!!! Picture a lawyer rummaging around the garage in a tackle box for fishing line. After delivery, the doctor calls my mom's OB, who is convinced that the whole thing is a prank call. Bobbie Roche gave birth to a GIRL on the bathroom floor??? When the ambulance arrived to take us to the hospital, she got into an argument about who was carrying me out to the ambulance. Guess who won? At the hospital, having just delivered a beautiful baby girl with no drugs, my mom could use a little nap. Nope, the doctors decide I was not born in a sterile environment and cannot be kept with the other babies. If they had ever seen my moms scrub a bathroom, they would know it was more sterile than any OR. So, my mom gets me as a roommate. I guess I'm not the ideal roommate. I kept her up all night. What can I say? I like to make an entrance. And I like to party all night.

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