Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Wife Swap

I gotta wonder how these women convince their husbands to do this show. "Hey, honey, know how I am always right, know what's best for everyone and my parenting style is above reproach? I have this sweet idea. How about we go on national TV, expose our lives and children to the world for public ridicule and humiliation? Oh, and the best part? While I am off terrorizing another family, they will pair you up with my polar opposite. And you will spend 2 weeks learning all about why we are failures as parents. Sound good? So, let's check the calendar and let the public humiliation and warping of our childrens' fragile psyches begin for the amusement of the general population". I can't decide who they would pair me with? Some survivalist family? I'm not exactly known for my ability to rough it. I think camping as a vacation is a bizarre way to pretend you are homeless as a form of relaxation. I don't even own a sleeping bag. Unless Sara's Tinkerbell one counts and that has never been outdoors. Or some Little House On The Prairie farming, roughing it, living off the land family? Amusing, yet my allergies would kill me the first time I tried to milk a goat (or whatever animal farm people milk). Another amusing choice would be some Martha Stewart ├╝ber mom who works full time, takes care of the home, hearth, husband and offspring while wearing a power suit and heels. I live in jeans. I can barely get my 8 year old on the bus and I'm still wearing pajamas when it picks her up. I forget to plan dinner some nights. While I can see the prospect of me on Wife Swap or Trading Spouses would be amusing for my friends and family, I cannot see surviving in some other family's dysfunction.
Where do they find these families? How do you decide to subject yourself and your family to this? You know they are going to pair you with your extreme opposite just for grins and giggles? Don't set your TiVo yet. I'll stay home and keep my dysfunction relatively private. However, I do have some rather amusing suggestions for my replacement here. I'd love to see my husband go toe-to-toe with some people. We could place bets on who survives.

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