Saturday, August 20, 2011

If I Ran The World...

If I ran the world, it would be a much quieter and more orderly place. Here are some changes I would implement:

People who stand and block the aisles in a store would be kicked out immediately.
People who ask nosy and inappropriate questions will be forced to answers some first.
People who text and drive and/or pick their nose while driving will lose their license.
People who do not close cupboard doors will be punished severely.
People who talk during the movies will be forced to buy snacks and drinks for everyone in the audience AND leave immediately.
People who crunch ice, snap their gum or chew/talk with their mouths open will be slapped until they stop.
People who are chronically late will be tethered to home with an ankle monitor until they learn to be prompt.
Women who parade around in bikinis and the pool and make me feel horrible will be pushed into the deep end upon my arrival at the pool.
Wait staff who refuse to make eye contact will be forced to babysit for my kids.
Wait staff who put lemon in my water after I say NO, will have said offending water thrown in their face.
Telemarketers will be forced to listen to my kids fight if they call my house.
Doctors would keep me waiting in my skimpy gown for extended periods of time will provide a free pedicure while I wait.
People who try to cut in line will be taken out back and shot.
People who think the sales clerk at check out is their BFF and needs to hear their life stories will be only allowed to shop online so I don't have to wait behind them.
People who judge anyone else's parenting will have to babysit those children so they can gain a little perspective before they judge again.
People who race down neighborhood streets in their cars will never drive again.

Not sure why no one has elected me Queen of the Universe yet. I think I have a pretty good plan here.

1 comment:

  1. You haven't been elected because Aggie got in line ahead of you. You can't cut in front of her, because you'd be taken out back and shot. :-)