Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Fiscal Responsibility Redefined

My husband has an MBA. I graduated from college without taking a single math class. I am notoriously and proudly the cheapest human being alive. My theories of economics are very simple, clear and concise. I will not buy something if I can borrow it from someone else or get someone else to buy it for me. This will explain why there was a 70 year old man buying diapers for me at Costco for the last 7 years. He would also buy me lunch. I could not tell you the cost of a postage stamp.

I have a new, insanely cute and adorable new niece. She has 2 older brothers. Oh, yes, and my brother for a father. Let's just say that she needs a wardrobe consultant. My brother is still baffled and frightened by the word 'bloomers" and does not understand their necessity in a young lady's wardrobe. I've explained (repeatedly) that a real lady doesn't parade around town flashing her diaper at the world. He has also put her pants on with the ruffles in the front. Really? A girl needs ruffles on her tummy? How ridiculous is that? She needs them on her booty, clearly. This is where I, as her favorite aunt, come in. Ok, so I'm the only aunt she has met, but still...... Don't I have a moral obligation to this child? Isn't she already at a disadvantage? Two brothers and a dad who thinks pinstriped shirts are wild and crazy? So, I tried to reason with my husband. I tried to use logic on him. He flat out refuses to see the moral imperative of buying every pink and frilly thing I see in her size. Not only does the girl need a basic wardrobe, the double bonus of my brother rolling his eyes upon receiving these gifts of life's basic needs AND watching him be baffled, confused and frustrated by trying to dress the little vixen in these outfits is too hard to resist. Is it too much to ask that we take out a 2nd mortgage so my youngest niece can be clothed in the manner she does richly deserves? The fact that I will get immense pleasure from annoying and confusing my brother and have tons of Kodak moments is secondary. I promise. Sort of.

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