Tuesday, September 20, 2011

My Rules

Here are my simple rules to follow to make the world a better and happier place:

1. Mind your own business (unless doing so would cause bodily harm or involve a crime being committed).
2. Wait your turn in line (especially if you are even considering cutting in front of me).
3. Be prompt (or have a really good excuse that involves a maimed immediate family member).
4. Don't judge people (until they give you a valid reason).
5. If your creature poops on my lawn, pick it up or I have the right to put it on your driver's seat.
6. If you see my kids riding their bikes, please slow your car down to a reasonable 65 miles an hour.
7. If you must chew gum, for the love all things good and holy, chew it with your mouth closed and never, ever crack it in my presence.
8. Talking during a TV show or movie around me is expressly forbidden under any circumstances (unless you need to warn me the building is on fire).
9. Never, ever give me any role with any responsibility or authority. I will mess it up any way I can. The only people I like to order around are my husband and kids.
10. Pay attention to the traffic lights. It it not a time to check emails, file nails or clean our your purse.
11. Never, ever ask a stupid question in my presence. You will mocked endlessly.
12. Do not parent my child. I may be a really bad parent but I made my kids and I get to parent them.
13. Do not give me blatantly obvious advice. I'm not as dumb as you look.

12. If you ask my opinion, be prepared to hear it.

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